I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
