just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
