Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
