I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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