True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
