My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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