..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
