This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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