the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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