I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
