I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need a beard to bite.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
