we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
