woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
