We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
