so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
