help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
