I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
