put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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