a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
