Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
