fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
