I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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