loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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