peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
