I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
3pm strippers are depressing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
