so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
