That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
