I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
