Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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