I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
