There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
