omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
