the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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