everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
