my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
