Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
