His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
