just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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