I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
