3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
