Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
