Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
