My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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