His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
