I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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