I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
