oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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