yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
