You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
