I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wear drunk well.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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