i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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